What have you been up to????

before I begin i would just like to apologize for the horrific set up of this recent post and this blog altogether. I tried to make spaces and fucking indent and make this a LITTLE easier to fucking READ but i am just way too frustrated at the moment and everytime I do change it...it posts as exactly the same set-up as before. Mother Fuck. anyways.... Greeting guys and gals! (ok who am i kidding GAYS and gals!) I know it's been awhile...i've missed you too. I have been putting off writing a new post for some time now (making up a bevy of excuses--i just looked up the word 'bevy' to see if i'm even using it in the right context and of course i'm not..apparently it's a large group or collection of birds...but you get the point) ...i would say to myself, "this isn't significant or funny or interesting enough".... then i remembered-- people have blogs and write un-funny, un-interesting things ALL THE TIME! so here is my small contribution... The other night I had the privilege slash misfortune of running into a very large group of old friends from high school. All guys to be exact. All cute, nice, morally correct guys to be even more exact (I think you know who you are, and I think my mother wanted me to date all of you at one point). Thank God (which they probably do everyday) these boys were sweet and wonderful but even their lovable personalities could not alleviate the sting from the world's most hated question when you go back to your hometown when you're no longer living there... "What have you been up to?" ***Below is a script of exactly what was said...and in parentheses you will find the translation for what my meaningless full of shit answers actually mean. Them: Oh my GOSH! How are YOU!!!! How is LOS ANGELES!!!! What have you been up to ?? Me: Oh ya know same ol' same ol' just living the dream. (Translation: still a waitress.) Them: WOW! That is so exciting! Can we see anything you've done? on Youtube or FunnyOrDie.com? Me: Oh well I've been mostly focusing on live performances, and anything I do online has to have privacy liscensing, etc it's a whole big lawsuit MESS! (translation: i perform about once a month in a black box theatre that seats about SIX. and i've really just been too lazy to make any videos...) Them: Well, you won't believe this... I have a kid now! Wanna see a picture? My wife and I could not be more happy! Me: No way!!!!! SO cute! HOW ADORABLE! He looks just like you! (Translation: Whoah whoah whoah.. you have a WIFE!!! AND a child?? At this point I'm lucky if I can get a guy to take me out for a drink, actually pay for it himself, and hopefully keep that going for more than 2 weeks. I haven't been that lucky, but at the moment i've been enjoying a whole bunch of meaningless sex.) Them: Soooooo...how's the FAM?!!! Me: Oh everyone is wonderful!!!!! (Translation: My dad is in complete denial of the death of my mother and is off gallavanting with some whore in Kauai while I recently took my sister on a campus tour of the University of San Francisco where she will no doubt participate in even more pot smoking and drinking then she does here in our home, and I'm probably in a very co-dependent relationship with my other sister who I call at least 4x a day because she recently got out of a very abusive relationship with her asshole dick poor excuse of a human piece of shit boyfriend.) It's like those horrible Christmas cards where the idiot mothers send along a novel of an attachment bragging about all the acomplishments of their sons or daughters. "Judy recently got engaged and we are looking forward to a Spring wedding, and our youngest son Joseph just got accepted into the Engineering program at UC Berkely with a full ride scholarship! GOOD CHRIST! I almost wish I had the balls to write one of my own "attachments" and lay out all of my family's wonderful dysfuction for the world to see! Merry Fucking Christmas. I also wish that when some random person who I hardly know asks me what I've been up to or what I've been "working on" (this is a Verrrrry LA thing to do--and it's like getting shot in the face with a 38 everytime it happens) I could flat out say with the most serious of tones.... "Well at the moment I'm working on getting drunk tonight, gorging myself on wine and cheese, not taking any classes right now, haven't booked a voiceover job in over 6 months, really just focusing all my attention on my Bravo TV shows---recently i've become fascinated with Bethenny Ever After and Top Chef All-Stars, oh and currently I'm coming up with every excuse in the book NOT to go to the gym... THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!!!!" That's all she writes for today, folks.