Abstinence

I know what you're thinking... You're probably on the wrong website.... Maybe your html re-routed your server (or whatever "technical term" could go wrong trying to find my website, you know what I mean!) This can't possibly be the same girl that once regaled us of her wild sexual escapades. Sadly, it's true my loyal band of merry followers. I have been abstaining from sex for one full year. Was this a choice you might be asking yourself? That remains to be seen.....I go back and forth between thinking this has been a conscious decision versus something that just happened because I had a good run and now I'm just hung the fuck out to dry and going to be alone for the rest of my life. I think I've come to the conclusion that it has, in fact, been my choice. It's a choice every time I went out to a bar and flirted with some slob who I once used for company; a way of making me feel attractive, sexy, and not alone forever. Now the idea of that seems so foreign to me- it's like I can't unlearn what I've learned about myself. I've seen beyond the curtain, the wizard is just a man with smoke and mirrors. I want love, not sex. Intimacy over hot one night stands. a real conversation and closeness over witty banter at a bar. Even as I write this it sounds nuts. Would I commit an act of terrorism for a hot one night stand? Probably. But I do think that with enough time these things tend to run their course--'been there done that' comes to mind. I'm ready and deserving of more (shocking I know).

Plus, to make myself feel better I began a running list of all the things that I am oh so grateful for and that are fucking awesome about not having sex...

-No worrisome trips to the gyno (I've put off like 4 different appointments in the last year) because... why?
-I don't have to wax or shave. Literally I have waxed twice for the occasion of a wedding and a vacation-both were on my terms and for my eyes only. Also I didn't want to horrify my friends (I think we all know the heinous crime committed by Miranda in the SATC movie.... and she wondered WHY Steve cheated on her)
-Total domination of bed space. Imagine a giant human size starfish lying face down in the sand. You will then understand why I'm thoroughly enjoying this for as long as i can.
-No red rashes on my chin and cheeks from a beard or stubble. The gift of a flawless complexion can sometimes outweigh even the most arousing orgasms.
-Sleep.... long, delicious, uninterrupted sleep. We've all been there-- and with a strange new man in the bedroom we never actually get any.
-Temperature control. How lovely to keep my covers on or off. Not to be sandwiched in a sheet burrito of death unable to move or breathe.
-Menu options are limitless. Wanna make cinnamon rolls and a quesadilla for dinner? SURE! Coconut shrimp and Spanakopita? DON'T MIND IF I DO. You can even have a fucking steak and be sluggish as hell because the most movement you will be doing is picking your ass up off the couch to your glorious bed.
-Complete control of the remote. Mindless reality? Rapey crime dramas? Drag (queen) races? The possibilities are endless.

All in all I'd say I have it pretty good right now. So I'm taking my sweet ass time and choosing a real good one when the time comes around for me to dust off my boots and get back in the saddle. Here's hoping cowboys and girls!