Spanx

First of all if you do not own a pair, if you've never tried them on, or if you've never had a need to wear them for an event or even just a night out then A) you will have NO idea what i'm talking about, but i hope you enjoy the read anyway and B) you are probably a skinny bitch that has never had to actually wear them, kudos to you!  

this is not even really a post at all...more of just a comment, but one that i want to have in writing somewhere in my life. I just want to say that if it wasn't so horrific I would most DEFINITELY have a video of me putting on my spanx. Literally im like one of those little car hula girls that someone has pulled WAAAAAY back and then they let go and i just BOLT forward and backward about 8,000 times before they are on correctly. It really is a work out in itself just to put them on... maybe it's the workout before that actually makes you look ten pounds lighter and not the unbreathable fabric that cuts off your circulation.

And another thing .... is it just me or do they need to reform and update their styles and make ones for JUST the midsection area...must the legs of the spanx go ALL the way down to my knees? i mean if i decide to cross my legs, i don't need the legs creeping out when i wear my slutty dresses, ok? i would like to at least give the ILLUSION that, yes, i am in fact JUST THAT toned and slender. but i can't DO that when there is even the slightest trace of hosiery in sight for all to see! use your heads oh wise makers of the spanx...create a thong style spank or a booty/boy short spank perhaps. Keep in mind that many of your clientele are probably curvy women with low self esteem so they wear sluttier clothes. Do you see how these things correlate?  

Lastly, there's the subject of that little hole in the crotch for bathroom use and all other uses (whatever they may be-use your imagination) Commmmmme onnnnnnnn people, I SERIOUSLY think that if we are in the heat of the moment chances are we’re gonna just rip the damn things all the way off. We would not want ANYONE, especially a hot guy, learning that we are not really that toned until we are in sufficient dark lighting. And when it comes to the bathroom--which is what those holes were actually meant for anyways...we have time. i think we would allll agree that the sanitary thing to do is just remove them completely. I really don't think I even need to go into details of the many mishaps that can (and did) occur whilst trying to pee through a tiny hole. Disaster.

In conclusion spanx ladies, really good work so far, but I’m starting to feel like Al Gore in the quest for a healthy environment here. Let’s make it happen in my generation please? Thanks.