The Do's and Don'ts of Sports Bars....

ok so as i am perfecting (very slowly) this whole "woman in the field" theme for some of my posts, I am realizing, that I actually have no idea what I'm doing. But I think this is way better for me (and you, the reader) because I am sort of like a trial and error. Mostly error. I will let you know all of the things that you SHOULD NOT do. And occasionally there will be some pearl of wisdom that I learned on my way, that I will gladly pass on to you--or if it's really good I'm keeping it to myself. Sorry girls, it's rough out there.  Armed with a pad of paper, a pen, my optimism, and that was about it...I was ready to take on the burning mystery of this illusive "sports bar" and see what all the fuss is about. But first, let me preface that I needed some initial Do's and Don'ts for girls/sports/guys/bars in general before I went on location.  Like the dedicated journalist/writer that I am I had no fear, no inhibitions! I stormed the halls of my office building asking every eligible bachelor i could find what they would love to see a girl do, and things that would really piss them off. Here are just a few...

DO

-get really into the game. 

**An occasional holler or Yah! or Yes good call! Or a WOO!  all are acceptable language and sounds to make at a bar.  CAUTION-know what you're talking about before fully committing. Results could turn disastrous if you are not knowledgeable of the game or team or even the sport in general. IE: stay away from "Touchdown" at a basketball game, etc. This does not seem too hard, but you would be surprised...my girlfriend Terri leaned over to me (when we were in front of a table of really hot guys) and whispered oh good it's the last period..ya know the 3rd period. And yes, terri, that would have been fine if we were watching HOCKEY!!! But in basketball there are QUARTERS, so yahh, we have 4 quarters. Like a DOLLAR! it's easy. ahh, bless her heart :) 

-order beer and wings. 

**This can prove difficult ladies, as most of us are used to getting drunk as quickly as humanly possible ( maybe that's just me)  But remember this is a good thing, you can have a slight buzz whilst at a sporting function --especially a sports bar, but you do NOT want to be tanked. Being "that girl" is never a good thing, and will only lead to further troubles (trust me, i mean, so i've heard) As Cher (Cher clueless not Cher moonstruck) once famously said, "It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties but it is QUITE another to be fried all day." Do you see the distinction? You can have a couple of beers and look like a girl who is into sports and fun and easy going, or you can be a girly girl with a mai tai and an umbrella in your drink (translation high maintenance)  Or you can be the one exception to the rule...once again Terri hits it out of the park as she asks me if she can order a salad and wine. I say no, but true to form, this girl let's nothing and no one tell her what she can and can't drink. She will always and forever drink red wine. And we love her for it. But I must say that she DID eat the wings, so it evened out the playing field, so to speak (do you like what i did there, a little sports metaphor)

-look nice, cute and sporty. Jeans, converse, maybe even a jersey if you're feeling creative! 

**This look is surprisingly hard to perfect. We are all used to wearing slutty clothes when going out at night (again, maybe just me) but when we have to be "casual cute" problems arise and stress is had by all. Try to think daytime wear. Less make-up, hair down, sweet little cute tops. Things that scream, "i'm marriage material" not "i'm lonely"  Guys want to go to bed with Marilyn, but they want to wake up to and eventually marry Doris. I say be a little of both. I always like to show off my boobs (as they are perky and huge and i'm proud of them goddammit) and my legs (which i got from my mama) But remember it is always important to remain wholesome, not whorish.  

-actually look interested in the game

** Even if you are not, guys can see that you are willing to open up your mind to different possibilities, you can compromise---in the future...you could watch the game if he goes with you to Crate and Barrel to pick out china, etc. I don't even know if that's what guys do for girls or if that's a place where one even purchases china but you get what i'm saying. Then, when the game is over and everyone is happy and loud this is a PERFECT time to start looking around the joint, make eye contact and eventually walk over to someone and let the flirting begin! Try to remember key points from the game that you can reference, "that steal in the second quarter, can you believe that"  "what a pass" " such teamwork"  etc. Pretty soon you'll be planning what appetizers to make (or for me, purchase) for your husband's super bowl party. 

DONT'S

-talk to a guy during an important play. 

**it is essential that you do NOT do this, and you do not get in someone's line of vision to block them from seeing a crucial play. Also, never act like you know what you're talking about if you don't. Spouting out false information and lies will only make them annoyed and eventually they see right through you, sniff you out, and reveal who you really are.... Someone who watches Gilmore Girls and eats a pint of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting. 

-smoke cigarettes

**it's always important to remember that cigarettes are not only bad for you, but a total turn-off to a non-smoker. It also limits your options of guys. Sure it's fun to have one or two (or a pack) when you're out or if you get hot in places and need some air (yah, probably for sure, just me) but hold off for one night. You will be happy you did, and double your shot at love!! or just double your shot glass.

To sum up my night it really wasn't as tragic as I thought it would be. It was actually FUN! the energy and the testosterone alone is worth getting out of your pjs and slapping on some lip gloss. The guys are pumped, you have great odds (i mean the ratio of girls to guys alone is totally in our favor) and it's ALWAYS fun to catch up with a friend who makes you laugh, makes you think, and makes you happy. All in all, two thumbs waaaay up for sports bars.