if you ever feel like committing suicide....

and you need that extra little push off the ledge, be sure to drive around between the hours of 7pm and midnight listening to KOST 103.5, love songs on the coast with Karen Sharp. It's ironic that her last name is sharp, as that is exactly what i want my knife to be when i stab her in the throat-SHARP! why is it that there is an entire radio station and DJ that's dedicated to rubbing it in my face that i'm single! ok, look, i'm sure that rodrigo who is coasting along in marina del ray wants sofia to know that he's 'saving the best for last' and thinks vanessa williams will get it across to her better then he can, but honestly i can't help but want to puke everytime i listen to something like this. Night after night i find my masochistic self listening to this crap while i'm simultaneously talking back at the radio (ok, sometimes screaming)..."oh please" or "lies!" or "what a crock of shit." don't get me wrong, i'm still optimistic, and hopeful that romance exists and that there are some guys out there who still believe in love and could eventually love me...but those dedications are just GROSS. and rude. and trashy. i decided I'm going to start a station that's dedicated to bitter single women everywhere and call it Fuck You (insert name of your ex boyfriend) and i'll play joni mitchell on loop and beyonce's "single ladies" and that song from The First Wive's Club, "You don't Own Me" oh! and obviously gloria gaynor's "i will survive" and i'll take calls from women all across the country where they will share their horrific story of what some guy did to them, and they can dedicate songs to their girlfriends or sisters that have been through a bad break-up. We need to empower the single lady and take back those taboo words like spinster and old maid (ok, old maid they can keep) but i'm taking back spinster!!!! and i'm taking back candles too! (i read somewhere that candles are the new cats for single women....and i REFUSE to give up my candles)

*** keep in mind the entire time i'm writing this blog i have gotten up three times. once to put on a face mask, once to eat some girl scout cookies, and once to write 'i believe in love" on my mirror in lipstick channeling charlotte in one of my favorite SATC episodes (and ps if you dont know what SATC stands for then you should not be reading this...literally stop now) what does all of this say about me? and the fact that i listen to that piece of shit karen sharp, despite my better judgement. i think it means i'm still hopeful, and i'm keeping my heart open, and it's just going to take a little time. k, time's up I'M READY! i'm out there. let's go!